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Setting the Standard of Marriage

Updated: Jul 29, 2021

*** This doesn’t pertain to any current relationship, so please don’t read deeper into this than it just being my opinion 👍🏽***

This is my rant 🤣

Marriage, for me, isn't just a ring or a piece of paper.

(and no I’m not thinking about it from a biblical standpoint 😆)

Unfortunately, society places a lot of pressure on being married and having kids by a certain age. Interestingly, I've already been married, had kids, and divorced at an early age. (Kinda funny when you think about it, lol) See, people love to romanticize other people’s lives and ask Hot Topic questions like, "when’s the baby?" or "when are y’all getting married?" etc.

Although I find these questions to be rude, I understand people mean well when they ask.

For me, I think it’s more powerful to ask, "how is your relationship going?" Because what if your Hot Topic question triggers an argument behind closed doors? It's also worthwhile to mention that a certain amount of time together doesn’t mean that you're ready for marriage or a baby -- TRUST ME! lol 😆 I wasn’t ready for either when they happened in my life.

What I want to do is open up people's eyes to the fact that the health of a relationship is far more important than these society-measured milestones. Knowing how to love one another properly and practicing effective communication should be paramount before any long-term commitments of marriage and children.

For me, I want marriage before having more kids. NOT BECAUSE I AM OLD SCHOOL! Haha, I’m far from old school trust me.

I feel that a man should consider and answer these questions to oneself before asking a woman “will you marry me?”

  • Can I provide and offer stability for this woman and *future family*?

  • Am I truly ready to commit forever to a monogamous relationship?

  • Do I love her?

I’m sure men probably go through far more questions than I can imagine. But asking for a women’s hand in marriage is a HUGE GESTURE and many men pause to think LONGGGGG before making such a grand commitment.

Although we are bringing a child into this world with another person, the focus is now shifted to child. A man isn’t necessarily thinking about the monogamous commitment and STANDARDS of a relationship with the woman. He thinks about bringing an extension of HIMSELF into this world or perhaps the experience of unconditional love from a child, etc. Yes -- it’s a lot of responsibility, but think about how many people have kids while waiting for marriage. In the end, some get it and some don’t.

The end goal isn’t marriage for some and I totally get it. For me, it’s not about a paper or a ring or even marriage. It’s about the thought process a man takes before asking for my hand. That’s what I need to happen before I can bring another child into this world.

Is it a guarantee of a long-lasting marriage? NO. (haha...nothing is guaranteed in life) However, I just can’t imagine bringing more kids into this world and sacrificing my body (I’m a little vain after working hard for this body after 2 kids) without knowing that we'll both make the necessary commitments to one another to provide a functional home and display real love to our little one 💞

It would just be heartbreaking for me to continue that cycle with yet another child.

I know what I will do for my future Husband so I want to make sure it’s reciprocated in order for me to build and bring another being into this world. I don’t just wanna be a vessel 🤣 🙏🏽


is it right? no. is it wrong? no.

Do what sits well with you 🙏🏽 Do what makes you happy.

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